Sometimes life just comes at you unexpectedly. Sometimes you decided it is time to tackle an niggling long standing problem with prayer. Sometimes that is the only thing that will work.
Over the past few years there is a minor concern that has always been hiding in the back of my mind with one of my children. As we prepared to embark on our 4th homeschooling year it became clear that it was now time to meet this concern head on. I admit to feeling very frustrated, and responsible, and overwhelmed, and unprepared to manage the situation. In a moment of desperation I googled “Our Lady Undoer of Knots” and found a very beautiful novena to her. As I found myself unexpectedly chatting with a friend from far away the next day, she had expressed similar concerns for one of her children. It was decided then and there that we would start this novena the following day for our similar “knot”.
I cannot even begin to tell you how incredibly blessed I felt to share this cross and this very special prayer with one of my very dear friends. I really think God had us reaching out to each other on that day because He knew we needed each other. He knew we needed the benefit of the others prayers, we needed to know we were not alone.
The next day I took up my very worn rosary beads, and my printed out copy of the novena and started to pray. I asked a St John Bosco, who had recently been placed before me (a whole different great story) to pray with me. I then proceeded to pray one of the most emotional rosaries I have ever prayed in my whole life. I could not even say the prayers out loud over the gasping breath of my sobs. It is said that to pray the rosary is to hold the hand of Our Blessed Mother, at that moment, it felt more like sobbing into her arms. I cannot tell you how freeing it felt to unburden myself. To hand over this knot that has been effecting me and our small little family.
The novena starts each day with an Act of Contrition. What an absolutely powerful way to begin any prayer. Admitting our failings and also our desire, with the grace of God, to do better. To humble yourself so completely before asking for the help you seek. You then proceed with the first 3 decades of the rosary, followed by the novena prayer of the day and then the final two decades of the rosary and the closing novena prayer. As I moved through the mysteries of the rosary, I kept my particular knot in the midst of the meditations. The mysteries took on a whole new meaning when paired with my small but heavy burden. Adding the daily novena prayers in the midst of the rosary adds another piece to meditate on as you beg for mercy and grace and healing.
As I continued to move through the days of this novena they were not quite as emotional as the first day, but through the prayers and my meditations on the mysteries I began to notice peace seeping into my days. St John Bosco says “You can be absolutely sure that any favor you ask of Mary will be granted unless it prove harmful.” I had turned over this huge burden to Our Mother. I had left it in her loving and capable hands. I knew she would help me find a way to “untie the knot” or to help me embrace my way through it. I like to imagine her loving hands holding my family, peacefully working her way through this huge tangle. Loosening the knot here, pulling some thread out there, sometimes tightening the tangle to work a piece lose. As with all knots I am discovering just how much of my life it has effected and I am working on my end to undo the damage.
I cannot even begin to tell you how incredibly blessed I felt to share this cross and this very special prayer with one of my very dear friends. I really think God had us reaching out to each other on that day because He knew we needed each other. He knew we needed the benefit of the others prayers, we needed to know we were not alone.
The next day I took up my very worn rosary beads, and my printed out copy of the novena and started to pray. I asked a St John Bosco, who had recently been placed before me (a whole different great story) to pray with me. I then proceeded to pray one of the most emotional rosaries I have ever prayed in my whole life. I could not even say the prayers out loud over the gasping breath of my sobs. It is said that to pray the rosary is to hold the hand of Our Blessed Mother, at that moment, it felt more like sobbing into her arms. I cannot tell you how freeing it felt to unburden myself. To hand over this knot that has been effecting me and our small little family.
The novena starts each day with an Act of Contrition. What an absolutely powerful way to begin any prayer. Admitting our failings and also our desire, with the grace of God, to do better. To humble yourself so completely before asking for the help you seek. You then proceed with the first 3 decades of the rosary, followed by the novena prayer of the day and then the final two decades of the rosary and the closing novena prayer. As I moved through the mysteries of the rosary, I kept my particular knot in the midst of the meditations. The mysteries took on a whole new meaning when paired with my small but heavy burden. Adding the daily novena prayers in the midst of the rosary adds another piece to meditate on as you beg for mercy and grace and healing.
As I continued to move through the days of this novena they were not quite as emotional as the first day, but through the prayers and my meditations on the mysteries I began to notice peace seeping into my days. St John Bosco says “You can be absolutely sure that any favor you ask of Mary will be granted unless it prove harmful.” I had turned over this huge burden to Our Mother. I had left it in her loving and capable hands. I knew she would help me find a way to “untie the knot” or to help me embrace my way through it. I like to imagine her loving hands holding my family, peacefully working her way through this huge tangle. Loosening the knot here, pulling some thread out there, sometimes tightening the tangle to work a piece lose. As with all knots I am discovering just how much of my life it has effected and I am working on my end to undo the damage.
When I look at things a little from a distance, I can see how this knot is part of a very beautiful tapestry that God has woven for this phase of our lives. How He has placed us in this time, in this location, put just the right people in our lives at just the right time. His love and care for us is breathtaking.
As I initially sat looking at the situation before me, alone and frustrated and overwhelmed, God placed a Saint, a very good friend, and Our patient Mother in my path. He loves us without limit, and gives us these wonderful tools at our disposal. Yes, we absolutely can go right to Jesus and ask for His help, and I do, all day, every day. But the wonderful thing about being Catholic is that we have all these other ways to help us grow in holiness. God has used this time in my life to remind me that I am not alone. Not only is He always with me in the midst of everything, but I can also turn to my friends here on earth and in heaven to pray with me through this trial. I did not expect this particular concern of mine to be resolved by the end of the novena (but that would have been awesome!) but now I feel more able to do what I need to do. I see my part in this mess and I am ready to fix it. I have more patience to tend to the other parts I am not in control of. Ultimately I know my goal for my children is to help them choose heaven, this is a bump along the way, but God’s grace and mercy are unending.
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